Wednesday, July 30, 2008

First Edit (Zombie Epic)

First thing, first: I need a name for this novel. Zombie Epic just doesn't do it.
Second thing, second: I need a name for the company. I can't just call it The Company.
They do live near the town of Kingsboro, probably in Michigan since I live here.
Anyways, here is my first edit of the Prologue.
P.S. The original version is still posted on the blog. Just back out of here and scroll down.

PROLOGUE
An intern, dressed in a light blue hospital uniform, pushed open the door to the executive break room.
“Dr. Ruiz!” he shouted, “something has gone terribly wrong.”Dr. Tony Ruiz sat in a large overstuffed chair in the far corner of the room. He stood and quickly tossed a large cup of stale coffee into the sink of the break room. The intern immediately turned and ran out of the room. Dr. Ruiz followed. The two men ran down the long straight hall from the executive break room to the administration offices. The men passed the administration offices and stopped at a set of double doors. The doors stood partially open. The large wooden doors were pointing outward toward the men. A large man lay in a pool of blood. The pool extended from under the man to an adjacent hallway to the right. The man’s head and shoulders were out of sight.
“What happened,” Dr. Ruiz asked.
“I don’t know, the patient was acting fine but then began to get sick. He fell to the floor between the doors then began to seize.”
“Where were you taking him?” Asked Dr. Ruiz suspiciously. The intern began to smile then sat a large hand on the hallway wall. His hand was larger then normal. His fingernails were yellowish and long.
Dr. Ruiz felt everything about this intern was wrong. His large hands, wide smile and overly muscular features spoke of a soldier not a medical intern. There were rumors of a Defense Department project downstairs.
“Something about soldiers,” Dr. Ruiz thought.
The intern stood quietly thinking, his smile quickly fading. He seemed to be searching for an answer. A shiver of fear wiggled up Dr. Ruiz’s spine as he became more confident that the intern was a patient from downstairs. The experimental ward was locked down. How could’ve this man escaped.
“Thank you for letting me know about this. I’ll take care of the rest,” Dr. Ruiz said. “Why don’t you go lay down? You look unwell,” Dr. Ruiz added quickly then realized that what he said was a mistake.
“Why do you want me to lay down?” Said the intern. A snarl appeared and grew upward like a thick red infection. Dr. Ruiz then noticed the intern’s large teeth under the thick lips.
“I just figured you were in shock and could use a rest.”
“No,” the intern shot back, “you just want me to fall asleep so you can experiment on me.”
The snarl fell from his face. The intern held his lips together tightly and his face began to redden. Dr. Ruiz noticed the interns large hands began to clench. They looked like large meaty hammers under his wrists.
“I don’t,” Dr. Ruiz began as he tried to find some identification on the young mans chest. “You’re not going to try anything on me,” the young intern shouted while hitting his chest firmly with his hammer-sized right fist.
“Are you a patient?” Dr. Ruiz asked.
“No, I am a doctor,” said the young intern defiantly beginning to approach Dr. Ruiz.Dr. Ruiz was still frightened, but took a boxers stance. He was a champion boxer at Kingsboro High School a few miles away. Of course, this was nearly 30 years ago. The intern stepped forward and Dr. Ruiz stepped back, not wanting to fight.
“What are you doing?” The intern said pointing at the man within the doors, “Aren’t you going to help this patient?”
“I need to know how you escaped from Ward 26,” Ruiz asked as he backed away a few more steps. He was going to lead the intern into one of the room within feet of the door.”I didn’t escape,” shouted the intern. His face continued to redden and his large red lips practically disappeared. Large yellow rotten teeth bared like a dog about to attack. ”You are going to hurt yourself,” Dr. Ruiz warned. Attempting to dissuade the intern from attacking. “I am going to hurt myself?” The intern exploded. He stopped approaching and stood angrily shouting. ”You experiment on us.”
“You hurt us.”
“I’m going to worry about hurting myself.”The intern rushed Dr. Ruiz, leaving little time for Dr. Ruiz to land a punch. Dr. Ruiz fell into a gurney sitting against the hallway wall. With his left leg and arm twisted within the legs of the gurney he was helpless to defend himself. The intern approached with a murderous look that could frighten even the heartless. Dr. Ruiz tried desperately to free himself as the intern bent over him and raised a meaty fist to bring down upon him. From somewhere near, Dr. Ruiz could hear footsteps sprinting toward him then a grunt and a crash. A large attendant had tackled the intern and they were wrestling upon the floor. Dr. Ruiz freed himself and quickly stood. He wanted to help the attendant who was having a terrible time restraining the intern. ”Get out of here!” shouted the attendant after he landed a crushing blow to the interns face. ”I can help you,” shouted Dr. Ruiz.”No, get out of the hospital. Go...,” the attendant said as he finally seemed to have the upper hand. He had managed to work the intern into his belly and held the young mans arms under his own. The attendant stepped upon the interns back like a mountaineer at the peak of a mountain. ”Go, damnit,” the attendant demanded. Dr. Ruiz turned and began toward a hallway. An awful crack and groan made his stomach wretch and he wanted to turn back but didn’t.

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